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When It All Feels Too Much

I’ve got a confession. I’ve been in a pretty big slump. Not just a "it's been 5 months since I updated the blog" type slump. A deeper, we are all in a slump type slump.

I thought I had overcome it in mid-May, but I realize I buried it deep down. So deep, I could barely see it. It all seems too much at once. 

For a while, I was giving it to God; at some point, I started to ignore it along the way.

My heart has suffered. My body and mind too. 

I’d think it’s safe to say some of you have been feeling this way too. Right when you think things might take a turn for the better, here comes a setback.

So many mixed emotions during “ALL THIS”

Dad is free of cancer 

My uncle is in the ICU fighting for his life.

Mask are important. 

COVID isn’t as bad as they say.

Black Lives Matter!!

Not all cops are pigs

I was taught by parents to be anti-racist

I have my learned levels of white supremacy to deal with.

America is the greatest country in the world.

I’m so ashamed of our government, both past and present.

My heart is suffering. The world is suffering. America is suffering.

All of us are suffering, and it's part of life.

We suffer in big ways. We suffer in small ways.

We suffer in ways people see, and we suffer in ways no one will ever witness.

It's important to feel that suffering and recognize it. Talk it out with friends or something like Talkspace, who says they have seen a rise in clients by 65% during #COVID

But, we can't stay in that suffering, and I have to remind myself of this recently.

Scream! Cry, yes! Let your tears flow and "wash the dirt off your soul," yes!

But don't sit there in your tears and play in the mud your tears created.

Life is about living in the tension of joy and happiness. Fear and peace. Love and anger. Lonesome and companioned Lonely and comforted.

But what about that in-between. The weird middle stuff.

In Dec or Jan I wrote, for no specific reason, in my work planner in the June section “an important month” Little did I know...

I’ve moved. Dad was cleared from Cancer; my uncle is in critical care after a massive heart attack. Our country is on the precipice of something. My furlough came to an end, and I’m officially unemployed as July 1. I received my LLC paperwork in the mail.

There is hope on the horizon for my black brothers and sisters, but there is no end in sight for the sickness that has wreaked havoc in our world.

I’m scared, and I’m excited. 

Christian Faith isn’t trying to put a positive spin on situations. It’s not motivational quotes or worship songs to get us from one low to our next high.

No. It’s trusting God with it all and leaning into his goodness. Letting go of what your plan was and believing He is good. He has a promise and He prepares those who wait.

I remind myself that the hidden middle weird phase is often a moment of preparation.

The process is needed, and the steadfastness that comes with it is worth it all.

One day the Lord will sort all of this out. We will understand. Justice will be had. Wrongs will be made right and all tears will be wiped away. Until then, though, the best we can do it heal.

If we truly want to heal, we have to look to and point to the healer. Psalm 31 is full of lamentation and sorrow, but David keeps pointing back to God the healer.

"In you O Lord, do I take refuge." 

 "You are my God. My times are in your hand: rescue me from the hand of my enemies and from my persecutors! Make your face shine on your servant; save me in your STEADFAST love!"  "Be strong and let your heart take courage, all who wait for the Lord!"

Let’s continue to live in the tension of where we are and where we want to be. Understand suffering to be a temporary situation. Continue to wait on the Lord. Let Him and that tension keep pushing us onward. 

Do you feel a weird middle phase or tension? In what part of your life?

Also, wear your mask. It's totally what Jesus would do. After all, He laid His life down for strangers.

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